Formal Charges for Ian

Today at 1:00 in Florence County, Ian had his formal charges brought against him.

• He is being charged with First Degree Reckless Homicide
• Maximum 60 year sentence
• Bail was reduced from $500,000 to $300,000

Seeing Ian today broke my heart. As soon as I saw him in his striped jumpsuit and shackled, hands and feet. While Scott Johnson, the shooter who killed my cousin along with two others, can wear street clothes, no cuffs, and even be broadcast over a television because he doesn't want to see us. Scott Johnson is a sick man, and I know Ian is a good man with a good heart, who feels terrible about what he has done. I wish he didn't have to go through this; I wish we didn't have to go through this.

I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot.

I love Ian. I love Jeff. Should I still love Ian? I know he has done something terribly terribly wrong, but I have known him for 8 years (during which he loved me like a daughter.) I have never met anyone who would get a bigger smile on their face every time they saw me. I am just so incredibly confused by everything. I am losing all of my boys: Tony, Jeff & Ian. My protectors. I feel so scared and alone. It is no way to live your life, but I don't know what else to do at this point.

I am allowed to visit Ian tomorrow, but class is preventing me from doing that. Luckily, Sunday is also visiting day. I need to see him and see what he has to say about everything. I know he feels terrible, and didn't intend to kill him or hurt my family like this. He loves us, and I am the only one who can still say I love him.

There are more rough days to come. I need to find the strength to get through them.