don't be too amazing, or we'll miss you too much

Lee & Wills

Sorry I haven't written, but I have been having more bad things going on. Lee & Wills got in an accident, and Lee is dead. Tiffany and I went to the funeral downstate to say good-bye. I do not know what to do. More of my boys. I hope Wills is okay. I hope their families and friends are okay.

I love you, boys.

Rest in Peace Lee Bholm Drelles

August 22, 1989 - September 21, 2008

the baby.

Tony's sister, Ashley, had her baby this morning.

There were some complications, and it was very intense for a while (baby not breathing, etc.)

Ashley needs a blood transfusion, but now the baby's vitals are good.

Ashley & Bobby may be young to have a child, but this little baby boy is going to help give us all something to love and care for. It won't make us forget Tony, or replace him in anyway, it will just help heal the sadness.

I am not sure about much concerning the infant right now. Visiting hours are from 1:00 - 8:00 p.m. So, I will go to visit Ashley, and then I will meet Tiffany in Covington.

I didn't really explain much about Tiffany, but she is my best friend in the whole world, my other half. I don't know if I could handle all of this without her. She keeps me strong & keeps me smiling.

Hopefully, I can post a picture of the baby later.

please, come back home

School. It has been one of the hardest things I have had to do since all of this. I no longer enjoy being there. It is the only time I am away from the comfort of my close friends and family.

I have panic attacks. I fight back tears. I clench my jaw. I feel alone and scared. I previously had trust issues, but now I do not trust anyone.

Tony should be attending Bay College with me. I should see him in the halls or even in my class. Instead, I sit next to an empty chair and walk down a quiet, empty hallway.

That's how I feel... Empty.

I feel so alone; sympathy doesn't mean you genuinely care for me.

I miss Tiffany; weeks are long and lonely without her.

Formal Charges for Ian

Today at 1:00 in Florence County, Ian had his formal charges brought against him.

• He is being charged with First Degree Reckless Homicide
• Maximum 60 year sentence
• Bail was reduced from $500,000 to $300,000

Seeing Ian today broke my heart. As soon as I saw him in his striped jumpsuit and shackled, hands and feet. While Scott Johnson, the shooter who killed my cousin along with two others, can wear street clothes, no cuffs, and even be broadcast over a television because he doesn't want to see us. Scott Johnson is a sick man, and I know Ian is a good man with a good heart, who feels terrible about what he has done. I wish he didn't have to go through this; I wish we didn't have to go through this.

I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot.

I love Ian. I love Jeff. Should I still love Ian? I know he has done something terribly terribly wrong, but I have known him for 8 years (during which he loved me like a daughter.) I have never met anyone who would get a bigger smile on their face every time they saw me. I am just so incredibly confused by everything. I am losing all of my boys: Tony, Jeff & Ian. My protectors. I feel so scared and alone. It is no way to live your life, but I don't know what else to do at this point.

I am allowed to visit Ian tomorrow, but class is preventing me from doing that. Luckily, Sunday is also visiting day. I need to see him and see what he has to say about everything. I know he feels terrible, and didn't intend to kill him or hurt my family like this. He loves us, and I am the only one who can still say I love him.

There are more rough days to come. I need to find the strength to get through them.

tony's graduation party

Tony, Eric & Jason Dancing at Tony's Graduation Party.

a letter home

My Uncle Dan is a very religous man. The morning of the funeral he woke up and felt he had to write something down. This is what that was:

A Letter Home

Dear Mom & Dad,

Remember, Mom and Dad, the day I was born. Boy was I scared! All I knew for 9 months Mom was your tummy. To leave the only world I knew seemed like some kind of death. But immediately I was in your loving arms and showered by affection, by Dad, who was so proud of me. I thought to myself, “How foolish I was to doubt God’s plan for me. This is a beautiful life.”

My time on earth was short but I knew all along it would be as God did have a plan for me. I was to bring happiness to you, Mom and Dad, to teach you about honest and open relationships, and to care for my little sister Ashley.

God said I had accomplished my mission and he called me home. He said I did a great job. Just like you Mom and Dad, he said he was proud of me.

God told me so much when I saw him. He told me to tell you not to worry but to trust in him, now more than ever. He said that my young spirit had to leave to make your spirits stronger. He said I can walk with you every day and leave no doubt; I will never leave your side. He said to hear my voice in the whisper of the wind and feel my touch with every raindrop.

Well I must go now. Uncle Gary and Uncle Todd are bugging me to play smear. It is really good to see those two again. God tells me we will be together again some day and we will party like we did down in Mexico.

Oh, just one more thing. Be sure to tell Ashley that if she sees some of me in my nephew, don’t be surprised. God said he will be good looking like me. That’s not all. He said get ready because he will have some of my piss and vinegar. I didn’t think God spoke like that!

Love,

Tony

eulogy.

I am sitting here trying to write down my feelings about my cousin…my best friend…my brother, Tony, and they are beyond words. Tony is not a person you can sum up in just a few minutes. I could write ten pages just about the brightness in his eyes when he smiles, and another ten on the impact he had when he entered a room. Just the sound of his voice or the smile on his face has been able to put a smile on mine. I know he had this effect on people.

Having only a nine-week age difference and a close knit family aided in creating a love and bond between us that is unmatched. I mean, we experienced everything together: Our first words, first steps, first fears, our first business ventures selling lemonade, our first losses, first loves, first heartaches, everything. We have been together through it all, and has always been the person I could confide in, especially over the past few years. We both have grown up and matured. I found us having conversations about life, goals, beliefs and dreams. Tony was always ready to give advice, and never ready to judge. I respected his words. Whatever he had to say was thought out and from the heart. Even his dad found himself just listening and learning a lot from him.

Tony was fearless. He was even brave enough to wax his armpits regularly. Throughout my life, he has been the one pushing me to do things I would never dream of doing. Weather it was conquering my fear of heights by making me climb the ski-jump or jump off the EK bridge, or just something like doing a front-flip on the trampoline. He believed in himself and everybody else, that is why he pushed me. He knew I was just being a wimp. His confidence was contagious, and he really could do anything he set his mind to.

Tony’s enthusiasm was infectious and his love for life unparalleled. When he walked into a room, he lit it up. There was never a dull moment with him around… He always had to be doing something, always had to be living.

I love everything about Tony: his honesty, confidence, sense of humor, his spirit. He really was one-of-a-kind, and I’m sure all of you know that. I know Tony left lots of things undone and others that he never had a chance to start, but I promise I will let Tony live through me. It is a way of showing my thanks for everything he has given and done for me. Let us not say Good-bye to Tony today, but that we will see him later, and he can live on in our hearts and memories until then. Tony said it best “Good-byes are inevitable, but I will see you again, and never forget the simple fact that I will always love you.”

Obituaries.

Jeffery Youren

Tony Spigarelli

Tony Spigarelli

October 5, 1989 - July 31, 2008

Anthony "Tony" David Spigarelli, 18, of Iron Mountain, Mich. died unexpectedly Thursday, July 31, 2008, in Aurora, Wis.

Tony Spigarelli was born, October, 5, 1989, at Dickinson Memorial Hospital in Iron Mountain son of David and Terri (Bianco) Spigarelli. He was a 2008 graduate of Kingsford High School at the top of his class, and was employed for the summer at Spigarelli Excavating, the family business. Tony was to attend Bay-de-Noc College in the fall.

He enjoyed working with his father in the summers and he loved to do all the things a young man enjoys doing. Tony was an outstanding soccer player. He played for Northern Stars and Kingsford High School. After high school he played on Bianco's Adult Team. Tony had many friends and enjoyed spending time with them. He loved riding around in his new car and blaring his music. Most of all he enjoyed the company of his family, keeping himself in good shape and spending many hours just hanging around his Auntie Tina's house with his cousins, sister and friends.

In Tony's younger years, he was raised with his sister Ashley and his cousins Katie and Karly Verley. They were known to the family as the "four musketeers" -- they were inseparable. He loved his sister and cousins unconditionally.Tony had many dreams. Tony was to enroll in Bay De Noc this fall and go on to be an Engineer. He was full of drive and determination - Tony could do anything he set his mind to.

Tony enjoyed vacations with his family in Mexico ... he loved to snowboard and was exceptional at it. Tony was a giving, loving, and responsible young man, the kind of guy that was a joy to be around. He could put a smile on anyone's face.

He is survived by his parents, David and Terri (Bianco) Spigarelli, Breitung Township; one sister, Ashley Spigarelli; grandparents, Eve and Bruce Bianco, Iron Mountain, Donna and Al Spigarelli, Iron Mountain; aunts and uncles, Teresa Spigarelli, Niagara, Wis., Cathy Spigarelli and Steve Rouze, DePere, Wis., Barbara (Spigarelli) and Steve Roman, Menominee, Mich., Brian and Shannon Spigarelli, Wisconsin Rapids, Wis., Danny and Kelly Bianco, Iron Mountain, Donny and Patty Bianco, Iron Mountain, Tina Bianco and Keith Verley, Iron Mountain, Tammy Willman and Todd Willman, Iron Mountain, Shari and Ron Schabo, Black Creek, Wis., Jeffrey and Becky Bianco, Hardwood, Mich., Shelly Bianco, Loretto, Mich.; many cousins, Courtnee Marquardt and Bryan Bargender, Niagara, Brandon, Ciara, and Tyler Rouze, De Pere, Jake, Taylor, and Morgan Roman, Menominee, Dominic, Casey, Brittani, and Miranda Spigarelli, Wisconsin Rapids, Santina, Geno, and Mariana Bianco, Iron Mountain, Chloe and Callie Bianco, Iron Mountain, Katie and Karlie Verley, Iron Mountain, and Matthew and Daniel Willman, Iron Mountain, Marie and Michael Santini, Black Creek, Amanda, Andrea and Amber Bianco, Hardwood; special friends, Bill Rodman, Derek Barnes, and Matt Erickson.
Tony was preceded in death by two uncles, Todd Bianco and Gary Spigarelli.

Jeffery Youren
October 9, 1966 - September 6, 2008

Jeffery A. Youren, 41, of Iron Mountain, passed Saturday, Sept. 6, 2008, in Spread Eagle, Wis.

Jeff was born Oct. 9, 1966, in Iron Mountain, the son of Duane and Nancy (Edwards) Youren. After graduating in 1985 from Florence High School, he lived in Iron Mountain for most of his life to be near family and friends. Jeff was a member of the local union tradesman group working on various construction jobs. His passion was riding his motorcycle and being a member of the Rebel Motorcycle Club. Jeff was an avid Packer fan and enjoyed the outdoors, hunting, fishing, ice fishing, golfing and downhill skiing.

He is survived by his parents, Duane and Nancy Youren of Quinnesec; two sisters, Cheryl Spencer of Novi, Mich. and Michelle (Don) Green of Port Lions, Ark.; a niece, Dorian Saunders and nephew, Douglas Saunders, both of Millersville, Md.; aunts and uncles, Char (Don) Schultz, Joyce (Al) Wahoviak, Helen (Wilfred) Sauld, Judy Edwards, Pat Metrie, Christine (Mike) Terry, Marie Edwards (Brian Rutter), Lincoln (Mary Beth) Edwards and Terry (Liz) Youren; numerous cousins that deeply love him along with his special friend, Tina Spencer and her daughters, Katie and Karly Verley.

Jeff never missed a family engagement and his smile uplifted everyone's spirits. His most memorable experience was his trip to Alaska visiting his sister, Michelle. Jeff's mother was his greatest treasure. We will miss his compassion for others and his gentle soul.

rest in peace.

Lately, my life has been unreal to my, like something out of some terrible movie. First, my cousin & best friend, Tony Spigarelli, was killed in a shooting, along with two others. Now, just last weekend, September 6, my mother's boyfriend, Jeff Youren, was stabbed to death in a local bar by my mother's ex-husband, Ian Spencer. I am going to use this blog to hopefully cope with these tragedies, because I have yet to start.

Rest In Peace

Tony David Spigarelli

October 5, 1989 - July 31, 2008

Jeffery "Jeffro" Youren

October 9, 1966 - September 6, 2008

I love & miss you both.