When You Get Knocked Down, You Gotta Get Back Up

I live life with a lot of confusion and anger lately. I must say, the Lexapro does help with my everyday, little annoyances and anger. It does not help or change my anger for Scott Johnson or Ian Spencer at this point.

Scott Johnson is the most despicable man I have ever known. He absolutely disgusts me down to my very core. He took away the closest & most special person to me, my cousin Tony, as well as two other lives. He has ruined a countless number of lives through his actions. He is heartless and did not have any remorse for what he did that day. He fucking planned it for 5 years! He is a sick, sick, sick human being, who needs to be punished to the full extent of the law & then worse. When he gets sent to prison, I hope the prisoners let him know what they think of a child killer, and make him pay for what he did. Tony, you will always be my everything. I love & miss you more than I could ever describe.

Ian was my stepfather. I thought he was an amazing person, and I do still love him in a way. Unfortunately, he did kill Jeff, my mother's boyfriend, through a senseless act of violence. He also punched my mother so hard, he broke her nose, & gave her a concussion. I have noticed after all of this, that Ian really is a liar, and not quite the person I always had thought he was. It still really bothers me that he gets treated so much worse that Scott Johnson, who is obviously a cold blooded killer. I know Ian will get punished more harshly for this than a white man in this area would, but I really hope that he knows how much he hurt my mother, my sister and me. He took away the only person that made us feel any sort of safety and security after Tony died. Jeff loved us, treated Karly & me like daughters, and he truly loved my mother. It was three months since Jeff passed on Saturday. I miss & love you, Jeff.

I just don't know what to do. The justice system is inefficient, corrupt & unfair. I am studying Pre-Law and do not want to become a part of such a messed up system. Also, I question motives and sincerity often. I trust very few people. It just sucks. These things have forever changed my life, my outlook on life, and my functioning from day-to-day. I just hope that justice stands strong. I hope that I stand strong.

Grateful #8:

I am grateful for living in a place that has all four seasons. I love nature and the outdoors. Nothing is more beautiful than fresh snowfall, leaves changing, warm rain or a beautiful summer day. I thought I wasn't ready for the snow, but now that it is here, I am extremely glad. I can't wait to go snowboarding. Hopefully Tony will give me some of his skills.